The Bittersweet Nature of Interior Decorating

Jeff and I went to Denton on Sunday to celebrate Ele’s 19th birthday. We have both been to her dorm this year, but never at the same time, except for a few years ago when she attended a ballet intensive for several weeks in the summer. She stayed in Crumley Hall, the same dorm she is in now. Ele and her roommate “S” planned how to decorate the room over the summer and blend their two styles. They and two other friends have decided to rent a house for the next school year.

It takes a lot more planning to get a house together than a dorm. In the dorm, you have bedding, towels, a fridge, a microwave, and a coffee pot. In a house, those necessities are exponentially larger. The house has a dishwasher (yay), and the owners are putting in a new gas range (double yay, and I am jealous). I think they are leaving the fridge, washer, and dryer, but I need to double-check. But in the dorm, Ele has 2 plates, 2 cups, 1 coffee mug, and one glass bowl. That’s not going to cut it for a house.

At the same time, Avi and her chosen family (Dhu, Kaiba, and Tallie) are trying to find a rental house and get set up. These two groups of people could not have more wildly different tastes when it comes to decorations. A few years ago, I bought Avi some beautiful dishes printed by hand by an artist in Vermont. They are anatomical line drawings of beetles, butterflies, and dragonflies, and they are absolutely beautiful. I also added in some gray Fiesta ware because it's super sturdy, practical, and much more affordable than the printed dishes.

So now, here I am with 2 kids preparing to make big moves. I made an Amazon wishlist and had them each start a Google doc with things they need that we might be able to find from garage sales or thrift stores.

That’s the practical side.

I love shopping, even “window” shopping on Amazon and Pinterest. Ele & Co. love all the shades of dusty pink and sage green. Avi and co haven't really said what they like, but I am thinking neutral plates (the stamped ones are ivory, gray Fiesta ware), then really colorful everything else. I just ran the idea by them, and they like the idea. 

Pink and light teal non-stick pans with wooden handles in three sizes. Pink silicone tongs for cooking.

Stamped plates by Laura Zindel Designs, gray plates are Fiesta Ware in Slate.

Ele and I like to make Pinterest boards and imagine the perfect space. Picking out dishtowels, bath towels, silverware, and doormats is right up her alley. Avi et al. are more about comfort, utility, and practicality.

The thing is, though, that I am doing this with my daughters. (When Bea decides to move out, I’ll do it with them too. I have so many ideas about a bright yellow kitchen with bees.) 

Anyway, I used to do this with my mother. She helped me through the process of knowing what is a “need” and what is a “want.” She had suggestions about what brands are good and what aren’t. She explained the value of spending a little more on a quality set of pans upfront that will last many years. The ones she picked out for me are still part of my daily use 29 years later. We talked and dreamed for a long time about picking neutral, expensive items like couches and then decorating them with colorful blankets, pillows, and curtains to change the feeling of a room. 

Mom and I used to decorate her house. I still help her. But her dementia makes it bittersweet. I want to share these moments of her grandkids choosing dishes and picking out a bedspread or lamp. Instead, when I am at her house, I find random color-coded “decorations” all around the house. On Saturday, I found a black pencil cup, like from an office supply that I had left there, and she had very carefully folded into the cup a black floral Vera Bradley make-up bag that I keep my electronics cables in. I haven’t found the cables. I’m sure they will turn up somewhere. She was also wearing my sweater, which only annoyed me because it looks better on her than it does on me.

Now that I am helping my kids into adulthood, I want to talk to my Momma about it. She’s always had an eye for decorating and for finding something that maybe just needs a little attention and flipping it so it looks new. . . Well, she has the idea, and Poppa does the flipping.

Today I was killing time in a discount store while waiting for a prescription to be filled, and I found pink and “equcalyptus” green non-stick skillets. They are exactly what Ele would pick for her kitchen, so naturally, I got them. I sent a picture to Ele, and she sent it to her roommates; they all love them. But I wanted to show them to my Momma. She would have gushed about how cute they are and how the wooden-looking handle is nice. Then, she would set off on a quest for other kitchen finery in shades of dusty pink, eucalyptus, and teal. 

I could show her the pans. But she wouldn’t understand that they are a gift for someone else. Her mind wouldn’t immediately jump to creating a beautiful space for Ele in her new house or Avi and her crew when they pick out a theme for their home. 

It’s not that I can’t do these things for my kids; I miss that part of the relationship with my mom. I want to share the excitement with her. I want her to feel the joy of seeing her grandchildren become adults. Maybe this example is a little selfish and shallow - decorating a home - but it’s an emotional touchstone for me. Mom and I used to sit with the Penney’s or Sears catalog and pick one thing from each page to put in our imaginary home. It was fun, especially when we got to pages with tools and lawnmowers. But we picked. What room do you put a lawn mower in?

So today’s message is to cherish the time you have with family. Don’t be too busy to do the things your kids want to do with you. You may think big life events are the most important memories, but sometimes the small things like picking a paint color or choosing a comforter mean the most.